Bridling Ourselves

Background Scripture: James 3; Psalm 34
Lesson Scripture: James 3:1-13

Introduction

Words are very powerful. With words, we can build relationships with others or we can tear them down. Many of us find that it is easier to speak than to listen, and thereby we can become offensive. We form our impressions of others and they form their impressions of us by what is said.

“For of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh” (Luke 6:45). Our temperaments, emotions, likes, and dislikes are portrayed by the words we speak. To bridle ourselves has much to do with bridling the tongue.

It is only by God’s grace that we can tame our speech. His indwelling Spirit tempers our thought processes and helps us to understand what we should say and what should be left unsaid.

Key Verse

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath (James 1:19).

Lesson Scripture

Studying the Lesson

James compares the tongue to the the small helm that steers the great ships of the sea. No matter the size of the vessel, the captain is able to steer the ship in whatever direction he desires by using a very small helm and rudder. The tongue is one of the body’s smaller members, and verse 8 tells us it is an unruly evil that no man can tame. The tongue does not merely misbehave; it can be filled with deadly poison—it has the potential to kill.

Fire is another great force. Much damage, destruction, and loss of life has occurred from deadly fires. With our tongues we are able to ignite flaming offenses. What hope is there for us to refine our words when they are set aflame by the fire of hell? We are not capable of controlling our tongues until our hearts are right with God.

The psalmist said, “I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth” (Ps. 34:1). David’s heart must have been filled with the love of God to overflow with gracious words of blessing and praise. When our hearts are right with our Creator and we taste of His goodness, He gives us power over our depraved natures.

Practical Truths for Today

The Bible has many instructions for our speech because God knew we needed help to control our tongues. Proverbs 10:19 states, “In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” Gossip is destructive, and it is our tendency to talk too much about others. Because of our proud natures, we often lift ourselves up by putting others down. Making fun of others may seem humorous at the moment, but it has caused many hurts. The Golden Rule applies as we consider if we want others to talk about us in the way we talk about them.

Building meaningful relationships takes time and effort. But a few hurtful words in the heat of the moment can fracture friendships and destroy confidence. People may not always remember what we have said; however, they will remember our tone of voice and how we made them feel. We need to be careful that we do not quickly pass judgment on others, because they instinctively perceive how we feel towards them. Kind words spoken linger and grow in the heart of the recipient. “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil” (Luke 6:45).

The heart is like a fountain out of which springs either sweet or bitter water. The things we think about are the things we talk about. Philippians 4:8 instructs us to think on things that are honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report. There are many things of virtue and praise we can exercise in our conversations. We can ask how others are faring and how their day is going. We can speak of the struggles and victories we have experienced in our walk with the Lord. We can talk of how God has blessed our homes and families. The programs of the church, such as missions and schools, are vital subjects that we can discuss. Sharing our thoughts about opportunities for humanitarian service in our communities encourages us to maintain our gospel outreach program.

While a bridle keeps a horse captive, it does not tame its spirit or break its will. It is a means of control. To bridle ourselves implies that it will take effort on our part. Those with many words often find that their tongue gets them into trouble. It is not wise to say everything that comes to one’s mind. No one likes to be around someone who monopolizes the conversation and seems to have all the answers.

“For God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few” (Eccles. 5:2). God will teach us how to guard our lips and, at times, to bite our tongues. As we pray the Lord, He helps us season our speech. With time and perseverance, we will grow in the grace of self-restraint. When we listen to others with caring hearts, we discern their hurts and share their joys. Many times we learn by listening and asking simple questions.

Some people should be more willing to speak. To think that our thoughts are not worth sharing may come from insecurity or inverted pride. We need not be in bondage, thinking we are not able to say something just right. We will make mistakes, but God’s grace covers us when we misspeak ourselves. If our words have been too sharp, we need to go back and confess—confessing our faults builds relationships.

In the course of life, we meet people in many different situations and of many different temperaments. There are those who are unpleasant and contrary, those who are uninhibited and confident, and those who are unassuming and quiet. When Christ forgives our sins, we are given changed hearts. With hearts of love, we will genuinely care about the welfare of others and endeavor to speak words that are upbuilding. When our hearts are fixed on God, we bear the image of Christ to people of all natures and personalities. The differences in our personalities are what make the world colorful and vibrant. “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ” (Eph. 4:15). Truth spoken from a heart of love never needs to be defended.

We should welcome the opportunities we get to relate to people. At these times, the Lord often gives us a kind thought, and we should not hesitate to share it. It will bless our hearts as well as the people we talk to if we tell them what we appreciate about them, giving them a word of praise when appropriate. To be bold enough to offer encouragement or a bit of advice often opens the door for meaningful conversation. As Christ’s peace fills our hearts, we will speak gracious words to others; these words will become a soothing balm to the weary travelers we meet on life’s road. We leave a witness for Christ when we are genuinely interested in another’s well-being.

Questions

1. What can be done to mend relationships that have been strained because of hurtful words?
2. To what extent are modern slang and bywords acceptable in our speech?
3. Discuss ways to exercise ourselves in the art of good conversation.
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Source: COGICM Daily Bible Readings (Daily Bible Readings, PO Box 124, Glenn, CA 95943).